Biblical Perversion

I couldn't have said it better myself...

I've realized something today: Rev. William Duby (the deranged, maniacal founder of the Academy for Psychic Studies) spewed forth many phrases from The Bible in order to display his deep, vast knowledge of scripture.

Unfortunately for Bill Duby (and the Witches of Ellsworth), I've been reviewing those passages for the purpose of deconstruction and to uncover the real, accepted interpretation thereof.

Here is a small list. OK, so it's a really small list. It's only a few - it's all I can remember right now. My memory isn't exactly what it used to be, you know. So, please supplement this brief list with whatever you may have recalled along with the accepted interpretation you uncovered or just give me the scripture along with the interpretation the Witches gave. I'll take it from there.

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Dubyism:
“DON’T LET THE LEFT HAND KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT HAND IS DOING … Realize right now, once you tithe – let go. It is no longer your business or responsibility to monitor the tithe.”

The actual scripture:
Matthew 6:3-4 "But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing."

The accepted meaning:
When you are performing charity, give willingly without drawing attention to yourself. Don't hand out money with one hand while waving over people to come see what a great guy you are.

Interestingly, Malachi says to those giving a tithe something like: you'd better be sure you know exactly where that damn money is going.  And don't ever give it to some priests who want to control the money.  Most interpretations say funds given to a church should be closely supervised by representatives of the congregation.

I guess Bill didn't consider that part when he was fleecing us out of all the money we had.  Sorry to say we didn't either.

As interpreted by Bill Duby and the Witches of Ellsworth:

• Secretly talk people out of money and possessions. When caught, quote the above scripture, discredit and dehumanize the guy who discovered you until he loses his marriage and family.
• Pick your victim's pocket while you slap him in the face.
• Let everyone know you just bought a car for someone but don't tell anyone that person has to make the payments.
• Run around crying about you living in poverty then quietly hop in your Cadillac for a shopping spree at Macy's.
• Make people give money to support their farm. Don't say it's actually Robin and Angela's.

Dubyism:
"Follow God's Law and the word of Malachi: Give your tithe to the body of the church (in the form of Angela Silva). Don't rob the storehouse meat."

The actual scripture and accepted meaning:
This takes some explanation. The book of Malachi is used to explain the concept of tithing. While it is not clear that one must give a tithe to his or her church, it's clear that you must not give to the individuals running the church but rather a member-supervised fund used in the name of the church.

It is generally accepted that Malachi is a warning to ministers, not a call for the faithful to empty their pockets. Chapter 2 starts with: "Now you priests, this is for YOU." Then goes on to tell them to stop dipping into the tithes and start spending it on taking care of the congregation.

Any questions? Aww shit, Angela... For the last time, it means: NO you CAN'T pay your fucking AmEx bill with the goddamn tithe! How many times are you going to ask? No! I don't give a shit if Bill said you could.

As interpreted by Bill and the Witches of Ellsworth:

• I have a payment due on my RV and I need money to throw down that toilet I created at Bethel Island, so attend this self-serving lecture on tithing featuring our latest misinterpretation of Malachi and delusional testimonies from brainwashed zombies and GIVE, GIVE, GIVE!
• Pay us so much every year that you can never escape the bottomless pit of debt. Drain your bank account so the leaders can live in the comfort they promised their followers.
• Here's my Macy's bill. You need to pay it.

Dubyism:
"You are not your brother's keeper."

The actual scripture:
Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” “I don't know, ”he replied. “Am I my brother's keeper?” (Genesis 4:9) ... and the rest of it goes on to describe how God kicked Cain's ass.

The accepted meaning:
This scripture is intended to show you how inward, unacknowledged responsibility (or "guilt") works in a man and what is gonna happen to him if he doesn't have the balls to stand up. Cain killed his brother and when God asked about it, Cain acted like a tool giving a flippant answer rather than being honest.

It's about lies and who can and cannot get forgiveness. It's all about having the morality to stand up for what's right, not what's convenient. Of course, this doesn't say a damn thing about disclosing your spiritual shortcomings to another person so you can ask forgiveness - you've got to do that with God alone, is what this passage says.

It's all about your personal responsibility to the big guy and how his responsibility to the people of the world flows through you. It is all about standing up and taking on your responsibility to your God and the people on this Earth.

This passage is, in essence, the exact opposite of what Rev. William Duby said it meant. It's all about being honest and responsible to each other and your duty to uphold your responsibility to give spiritual comfort and charity to your fellow man. This passage talks about our own responsibility to each other. It's all about this:

Father, open my eyes that I might see the people around me as people whom You created and whom You have placed in my path for a purpose. Teach me that I am my brother's keeper.

That's one teaching the Right Reverend William Duby, his spiritual wives and the piece of ass he kept on the side have been missing all these years.

Now it's our turn to live up to this passage where Duby and his wives would not.

As interpreted by Bill Duby and the Witches of Ellsworth:

• Make sure everyone approves when you tear someone a new orifice.
• Anyone who is not degraded and demeaned the first time, gets degraded, abused, demeaned, insulted and verbally waterboarded next.
• Anyone who disagrees with you for anything gets waterboarded harder and longer than the first.
• Repeat the above with all your followers every week in Revelations Class.

Dubyism:
"Man is the head of the woman."

The actual scripture:
Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.  I Corinthians 11:3

The accepted meaning:
In the term “the head of the woman is man” head is not used to suggest that the man has control over the woman but “the source of” the woman. 

Because man was created first, the woman derives her existence from man, as man does from Christ and Christ from God. 

In other words, man submits to Christ and Christ to God. When a husband submits to Christ first, a wife should not have any reservations about her husband's faith or spiritual leadership.

It's got not a damn thing to do with keeping your woman in line.  In fact, it's all about men showing their leadership as the head of household in a moral and responsible manner, not in domination but with inspiration.

As interpreted by Bill Duby and the Witches of Ellsworth:

• Tell the men in your "church" to "Whip it out and slap her in the face with it!".  Then, kick their ass when they do exactly as you say.
• Tell your followers "Own your fucking balls!" then run and hide while your wives work your congregation to death.
• Put husbands in SRF Siberia, exile them to decrepit motor homes, exclude them from their spouses and family, debase and humiliate them if they ever even think about an intimate relationship with their wives.
• Kick down the door and rape your spiritual wife on the sofa whenever you want to get some.  Call your male followers dogs, beasts, perverts and rapists if they even share a bed with their wives.
• Let us lie to your spouse so she will come charging at you with a knife in her hand, then submit to our psychotic demands for punishment when we tell you you failed to control her.
• Make your wife spend all her money and most of yours on the leaders because they have luxury cars, high-end motor homes and income properties that need to be kept up.

Dubyism:

"Woman is the body of the church."

The actual scripture:

There is no actual scripture.  This phrase is nowhere to be found outside of Bill's deranged mind - and that makes it suspect right there.

The accepted meaning:

Well, I think we can all say it meant something less than Bill intended as it appears no where in scripture nor does any other church accept this doctrine.

As interpreted by Bill Duby and the Witches of Ellsworth:

• As one of Bill's sister wives, I am entitled to be head of this "church".
• As the body of the church, I need to be fed.  Hand over your wallet.
• Don't ask where your money is going.  We took it from you, so it's ours now and you'd better not miss a payment.
• As the body of the church, when you say I am doing something wrong, you would be insulting the church, God, and Jesus Christ himself.  So shut the fuck up and give us your money.
• As the body of the church, why would we want to share anything with anyone - even our bobble-head puppet?

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In a time and place of strange interpretations of the Bible and oddball preachers, this guy takes the cake.  I've never seen anyone twist and pervert the Bible quite the way Bill Duby has.  Unfortunately, he may not be the last. But fortunately, the remaining leaders of SRF seem too dumb, uninterested or scatter-brained to create any Dubyisms of their own.

Please feel free to add your own Dubyisms. I'd love to hear the result of your own research into them.