Kim Jong Duby

I'm glad I never saw this.  I guess

Robin is glad she never saw this either.

 
After taking a look at psychdoctorate's blog on the Berkeley Psychic Institute, I ran across the entry on "Gaslighting".

The wikipedia definition of "gaslighting":
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It involves an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to the subject, having the gradual effect of making the victim anxious, confused, and less able to trust his or her own memory and perception. A variation of gaslighting, used as a form of harassment, is to subtly alter aspects of a victim's environment, thereby upsetting his or her peace of mind, sense of security, etc

In SRF's zeal for control or their members, news from the outside world or events were always interpreted for the members. Reading, watching or listening to the news was not exactly forbidden but was discouraged. Listening to such information was said to "get into your head" and would disrupt your spiritual growth. The leaders would interpret the news and relay that information back to the membership.

Since the founder would always say "God doesn't let the left hand know what the right hand is doing", he would always give incomplete, contradictory or incomprehensible instructions and information.

Many couples (such as myself and my wife) were separately told conflicting instructions and information. Women were told that men were not to be trusted under any circumstances - all men except the leader Bill Duby, that is. Men were told that women could only make emotional decisions and that they were to be the "head of the woman" by any means necessary.

All of the leaders would give different and conflicting depending on who they gave the information to. If a student resigned or was expelled, the real circumstances of their departure was never revealed. However, many different stories about them were circulated to the members. We would hear of former woman students "she was more interested in men" or "she was more interested in buying clothes" or "she could not blow her family pictures". Men were treated less kindly, with things like "he is just a taker and not a giver", "he has wolves in his space", "his energy is bad and we can't trust him" were some of the things said about male ex-members.

The truth was always obfuscated. History was conveniently revised (a great example was Bill's personal history). Events were given an official interpretation - an interpretation that had little with reality or reason.

We've all heard of the exaggerated and fabricated stories concocted by the loyal Apparatichiks of fine democratic dictators such as Stalin, Nicolae Ceauşescu, Kim Jong Il. Now we can add Kim Jong Duby to the list.

I've never been there, but I think I know what life in North Korea is all about. A Dear Leader. An impossible personal resume that no follower dare challenge. Supernatural skills that are unverifiable and unwitnessed.

And there was the fear: The constant fear of being called out as a fraud. The fear of being labeled "Judas".

The fear of the repercussions.

Those in cult-owned apartments found themselves constantly wondering when the cult leadership would present them the "opportunity" to move. Occasionally, these moves were favorable. More often, though, the move was from one rat-bag apartment to another, smaller one. Some found themselves moved from a semi-comfortable bedroom to a less private and even less comfortable portion of living room, separated by only a thin curtain - a curtain that you would have to provide yourself, if you wanted a modicum of privacy.

I've known members abruptly evicted from their apartments and housed in trailers, decrepit motor homes or unceremoniously dumped in the back yard with only a sleeping bag. Once removed, those members (always men) were not let back into the buildings for more than brief periods, even in the middle of winter or in stormy weather.

While manipulation of information was subtle, the physical relocation and disorientation was sudden and severe. Married men were in constant fear of being removed from their homes at any time by the wave of a leader's hand.

One could be sent to SRF's Siberia for a determinate time or sentenced to an endless journey through the SRF gulag. It all depended on how the leadership felt that day.

But in the end, members were subjected to an endless merry-go-round of packing and unpacking; moving in and moving out; having roomates and living alone.

I'm not surprised that the people there are incapable of making wise decisions. Apart from having crappy role models, after twenty years on a merry-go-round how could you see straight?

Talking out the side of your mouth

Hey, Cee-Lo must have heard
Angela's inspirational speech!

One of the things we heard often at the Spiritual Rights Foundation is to "let go and let God". We were also told often to let go of the painful past; love yourself first, then try the world on for size; judge it today, wear it tomorrow.

And this profound homily often related by the holy leader Angela Silva: "fuck you".

If you are an SRF-ie, I am sure you are wondering why a decrepit heathen infidel such as myself would dare to quote such pearls of wisdom in a derisive atmosphere such as this blog.

It is because, only in this blog is there an environment where deconstructing the pithy and unenlightened dicta vomited by the Spiritual Rights Foundation leadership is possible.  Besides if you are reading this blog as a current SRF-ie, I'll just borrow Angela Silva's inspirational homily: "fuck you".

Have any of you noticed that the down to earth homilies we ex-culties endured were applied so rigidly to we underlings but not so much to the leadership?

Ever notice that we got hammered hard if we said anything even slightly critical about a fellow member? Meanwhile any of the leaders could say whatever they wanted to whomever and at any time.

Do any of you remember being embarrassed, demeaned or insulted in front of everyone? And who was the one doing it? Can you see their faces?

Did the leaders judge you? Did they ever hold against you what they held against others who look, sound or resemble you in some minor way?

When did any of them "let go and let God"?

Did they ever take their own advice? Did they ever live by the same principles they wanted us to live by?

Or did they often say "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" as they threw insults at you and rummaged around your pocket for lunch money?

Ever catch them lying? Ever hear incomprehensible and nonsensical justifications for their bizarre actions?

Yeah, so it's not much of a deconstruction. But I'm not in a deconstructing mood tonight, I think.

But how about it? What kind of hypocrisy and double-speak do you remember coming from the current leadership? How about leaving a comment describing that?

Let us know what those are. Or, maybe reminisce and reflect on your own. Either way, if you look at those crazy statements as I have, you will probably have one of those moments. Like that time when you realized girl in sixth grade didn't come to your house because she was interested in you, it was because she wanted to copy your homework.

Academy for Psychic Studies and Scientology

Hey, I had a random thought:  did anyone recall Bill Duby corralling us for hours of trance then in his usual post-traumatic rambling began to talk about principles somewhat related to Scientology then blurted out:  "You guys didn't know you were learning Scientology, did you?"

And related to that, wasn't there a plaque with a black background and etched golden lettering on a medium brown wooden base that honored both Lewis Bostwick and L. RON HUBBARD?

Or maybe that is one of my projections...

I know people who swear they heard Bill Duby say he was teaching Scientology.  I recall it, but maybe not as clearly as they.

Any of you who do recall, please leave a comment.  It will make a lot of things make sense.  And if Bill did indeed teach Scientology, I don't know what to say about THAT.

I'm hoping you would.  Leave a comment.  And let's see if there really is an SRF/Scientology connection.

Stop the Silence

That symbol was a rallying cry in the 80's. Back in the day, people with AIDS and HIV were not only very sick, they were left on their own without the help they needed and without representation in the government and society they needed to help them survive.

I'm sure you know how that was handled. I hate to think about it, much less write about it. Although I will tell you something that was a fairly common attitude at the time. I was dating a girl in Southern California. One Sunday, we attended church with her parents. Just before the service, we were conversing and the subject of AIDS came up. Her mother turned to me and said, "We believe AIDS is God's punishment to the gays" and left it at that. No, I didn't date that girl much longer after that.

Back in the day, we as a society chose to keep the issue of those with AIDS and HIV a secret - as if you could catch it by talking about it. The White House senior staff advised our president, Ronald Reagan, to take no position and to stay silent. By speaking out, the president could cause a national controversy and a loss of his conservative political base, they counseled.

It wasn't until some time later, that President Reagan and the First Lady realized revealing the issue of AIDS was an issue of simple decency. It was their duty as America's First Couple (and that of the President) to preserve human dignity - especially to those with AIDS. So, they responded. They spoke out in favor of providing support and funding to help those with AIDS.

Once the issue of AIDS was supported, the public respond with new supportive attitudes. President Reagan approved millions to fight the disease and improve attitudes. The ultra-conservative Surgeon General told people to use condoms to protect themselves and agreed he had to help do something. New treatments for HIV/AIDS were developed in a fairly short time and those infected were saved from a terrible fate. Many of those with HIV infections were able to maintain a normal life.

I can't imagine what would happen if the Reagans remained silent. How would the epidemic of AIDS have progressed? How many lives would be lost?

Before I wrote this blog, I had to deal with my own state of silence. I had to deal with my own sense shame and the acceptance of personal punishment sent from above. I had to deal with my sense of staying invisible and my fear of inciting controversy and the possibility of losing people who I once knew.

What woke me up was the sense that I was like a can of soda sitting in the sun - it wouldn't take much to make a fountain happen.

And fountain it did. As I said earlier, I saw this blog as a kind of internet graffiti - sometimes seen but rarely noticed. And for a while, that is what happened.

I have evolved this blog from my own need to vent to creating a public service. Giving the other side of the story to an otherwise unsuspecting public. Revealing the true events the Spiritual Rights Foundation does not want anyone to know and speak the true insight the Spiritual Rights Foundation would otherwise suppress.

And we have stood tall in the face of the petty tyranny displayed by the Spiritual Rights Foundation. SRF filed a lawsuit intended to silence us. They failed. We successfully defended their despotic and maniacal action to suppress us. By doing so, we have defended YOUR rights to speak the truth; YOUR rights to speak your mind; YOUR right to associate with whom you please.

Still, of all of us involved in the SRF quagmire, only a few have dared to speak out in various ways through the news media and their own publishing activities.

But many remain silent. They sit like that can of soda on a hot day, waiting for someone to pop the tab so they can vent the unrelenting pressure.

I know that pressure. I know the pain of having to contain the outrage, the pain, the sense of unfairness of the rule of petty tyrants.

And know many who feel the same.

Maybe someone like you.

If you want to say something but are afraid of rocking the boat, think of this: how much of a spell is the Spiritual Rights Foundation keeping you under?

You may find the spell is nothing more than a man behind a curtain.

Are you afraid of repercussions? I'll tell you this: they have nothing on anyone.

Especially you.

There is a group of many people who blazed the trail for you and defeated the petty control tactics, the outlandish behavior and the abuse. Several brave parents brought their stories to the news media and the courts. They restored their relationship with their children and healed the damage wrought by SRF.

I fought a frivolous suit and successfully defended your right to speak your mind.

If you want to speak, if you need to speak, now is the time.

The only question is: what would you like to say?

You can speak for your own healing.

You can speak to get the SRF monkey off your back.

You can speak to help others who may fall into the cesspool of abuse as we have.

You can speak out publicly. You can speak in private. You can speak to a professional. You can speak to your friends, your neighbors, your family.

Speak out to someone. Find someone who will listen and someone who can help. Some of those people are listed on the right side. Speak with them. They will listen.

You and I have suffered through the unrelenting pressure to hide. The fear of disclosure, the shame of being deceived.

And even now, the Spiritual Rights Foundation tries to exert the fear and oppression only a despot can engender.

To capitulate will begin the silence of your mind, the submission of your spirit, the suppression of your voice that will certainly lead to the death of your soul - a death at the hands of a cult.

A death at the hands of petty despots.

If "freedom is the essence of life", would you continue to hide silently in the darkness or emerge from the shadows to embrace life in the light of truth?

Will you conduct your own act of decency and come out of the shadows to restore your own sense of human dignity and preserve the dignity of those who shared your experience?

It's your choice now.

Are you content to allow your soul to die?

Or will you emerge and live your life?

Many of you might prefer to remain silent. Some of you may think you must remain silent.

Of course, you have every right to be silent.

I will leave you with this thought, though:

SILENCE = DEATH

====================================================

Here are comments from the original post:
Anonymous said...

Here is a scene that is an example of what Mike is talking about: Bill Duby, the cult leader, went on for hours, talking about me in the third person to the class about how sick my soul was and comparing me to others who “stole money” from SRF and who were now “asleep,” or in other words, in a state of spiritual death. He painted all those who had left SRF as having fallen into karmic ruin, or as power-tripping fools whom he had completely defeated mentally, or as people who had basically become psychologically debilitated or insane from messing with the teaching.

When we heard this, part of us was vengefully delighted that we were doing so much better than those who had left, and the other part of us was full of dread and determined to never suffer such an unthinkable fate.

Rev. Bill often said, “I am happier here in my misery as a prisoner of the teaching than most of you are in you freedom.” During his usual monologue, he occasionally got Rev. Ang and Robin to say something devastating about me, and sometimes addressed me directly for an answer. They went on to tell their plans of what they were going to do with me. As they talked about me in the third person, I found some distance between myself and them.

I was shaken beyond my capacity and knew this was not right. I knew at this point that I would have to leave. The thoughts of the horror and hatefulness of the place were growing stronger in my mind, but concurrently I still thought Rev. Bill was an authority and that he had spiritual power.

It was strange how the two antagonistic thought patterns coexisted in my mind. Because I still feared Rev. Bill as an authority, I was deeply doubtful and concerned about my own moral standing with God.

This is where the two diametrically opposed thought patterns started to merge and I would have to sort it out, one painful, fear-filled thought at a time. I was desperate. I had to find a way out of this nightmare.

July 16, 2009 1:46 AM




Mike Kawahara said...

Thanks Steve.

You spoke out about your experience and revealed the truth about the abuse, lies and cruelty you endured. By doing that, we have seen you regain your life and find the strength to continue.

I found Steve and others who have been candid about their experiences with SRF and have been open and communicative about their disappointments, anger, frustrations and guilt were more able to find healing and recovery - things they longed to receive from the very cult that abused them.

To stay silent about the abuse is the beginning of a long, difficult road. To maintain the lie, to keep up appearances, to "fake it until you make it" works like a Vycodin for your soul. You might feel good for a while - a long while even. But that issue remains, the pain returns and you'll need another dose - putting you on the destructive cycle of pain and healing SRF used to exploit and control you.

Staying silient about your plight continues the SRF trademark of hypnotic control, leading to the death of your soul and the elimination of your spirit for life (YOUR life).

To speak out may be rocky at first, but with the support of others who share your experience, you will find the road will be easier to navigate.

You will find you can life your life and enjoy it.

You can live your life without fear.

Please see my post about our pledge.

Our hands are open and the coffee pot is on. And we won't make you pay for a cup.

I'll even pick up a nice, fresh bag of Peet's for you and a dozen Krispy Kremes.

Joy makes some mean baklava as well. It's all yours.



Marilyn Daily Junkins said:

I left SRF 19 years ago after 7 years of tyranny.

The last two years, after I was "ordained" were brutal, horrific years of shame and torture where I felt I was living in two worlds without anyone to whom I could really talk; who could really understand what I was going through. I knew I couldn't speak with Angela, Robin, Debi or Bill ... they would only make me feel worse, or demand money to heal me.

What a relief when I left SRF and discovered my own inner healing over time.

Even after all this time, I was so glad to find Mike and Joy's blogs and to learn that I was not alone in my experience.

Thank God the two of you, Steve, and Mason, all had the courage to speak of your experiences and free yourselves from the bondage of Bill's mind.

I hope that the others still there can find the way out and SRF can be disbanded without ruining any more lives. Friend me at Facebook to get my email address.