We need a bit of levity here.
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When Declan was a young man he went to confession saying, "Father forgive me, I have sinned with a young woman."
The Priest asked, "Was it Mary McCarthy?"
"No, father, its not for me to say," Declan replied.
"Was it Siobán O'Reilly?"
"No, father, I can't tell you."
"Linda Mallory?"
"No, father, it wouldn't be right for me to mention any names."
With this the priest told him to sin no more and gave him pennance.
On the way out of the church, Declan passed a friend, who asked "What'd you get?"
He replied, "I got three Hail Marys, two Our Fathers, and three new leads!"
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The McLartys and the O'Reillys appeared in court after a ferocious melee broke out during the wedding of Kate and Michael. Even after being locked up in jail overnight, they continued to bicker all the way into the courtroom.
The judge appeard and started banging on the bench, shouting, "Stop this shite immediately! Someone tell me what in hell you're doing here."
Eamon O'Reilly came forward, hat in hand and said, "Yer honor, it all started when I was dancin' wit the bride, and Michael dere came running up and kicked her square in the privates."
The judge replied, "That must have hurt!"
Eamon said, "Aye. 'e busted t'ree of me fingers."
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One day Mrs. Flanagan feels sickly and goes to the doctor for a look at. The doctor looks her over and says,
"Well now, Mrs. Flanagan. I'm a perplexed on your condition but if you bring a urine specimen to me in the morning I can tell exactly what's wrong."
Mrs. Flanagan went home and said to her husband, "The doctor wants me to bring him a urine specimen in the morning. I don't know what a urine specimen is, what am I to do?"
Mr. Flanagan replied, "I don't know, but if you go see Mrs. O'Toole, she'll know what to do."
Mrs. Flanagan then went down the road to Mrs. O'Toole's and returned a few minutes later with her clothes torn, a black eye, bruises all over her body, and her hair tangled like a bird nest.
A shocked Mr. Flanagan gasped, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman! What happened to ye?"
"I went to see Mrs. O'Toole and asked her what a urine specimen is and she said 'Piss in a bottle, woman.'
So, I said 'Go shit in yer hat!' And the fight was on."
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