Farmyard Follies

Steve Sanchez has generously contributed this chapter from his book "Spiritual Perversion".  In it, Steve describes his experiences with the "SRF" Farm in Bethel Island, California.  As we all later realized, the "SRF" Farm was an unqualified disaster, killing more livestock than they ever raised and providing yet another hole in the ground for the faithful to throw their money.

And as we realized even later, the "SRF" Farm isn't owned by SRF at all - Robin and Angela are the titled owners of that property (according to the records office in Contra Costa County).


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Rev. Bill decided to buy a farm in Bethel Island.

It took him a long time to decide to buy it. He involved as many of us as he could in making the decision. He discussed construction with me and Don, money with Mort, Robin, and Harpreet, and animals and work projects with almost everyone. I think he wanted to get everyone involved and committed as possible. After three months of trials he bought the farm, so the days of working at the farm began on top of everything else we did. I had some fun work days there, and made the best of it.

Out time was structured and we didn’t have to think too much about what we going to to do. But for me. I quickly grew tired of it. I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like it, Robin hated it, or at least Rev. Bill always said she did, and some of the other ministers were less than enthusiastic.

Most of the ministers professed to love it and put all their energy into it. Linda and Kaitley started going to the auction with Rev. Bill and Ang twice a week to buy goats and other animals. There were constant chores to do and endless projects, most of them all conceived by Rev. Bill. After a few months there were hundreds of goats on the farm. There were several cows, turkeys, horses, ducks, cats, a dog, rabbits, chickens, and chicklets, for a while even a lama.

Bethel Island was a flood zone, and in the winter it was very swampy. Any vehicle that went off the road would get stuck, and sometimes they’d get stuck on the road. We built several goat houses, roads, and fences all over the place. There was a constant battle to try and pump out the swampy areas in the winter and to landfill in the summer. I set up the pump system and found it an interesting challenge to try and empty the little lakes in the field.

Plumbing lines and electrical lines were run all over, and retaining walls were built out of creosol logs. A schedule was made so that there were always two ministers or students at least at the farm. All the ministers were assigned to do spirit patrol two nights a week now - one at the farm and one in Berkeley. The two different spirit patrol teams kept in communication via the internet about all the chores, psychic work, and healings we did. (Rev. bill even had Ross and Rick set-up little cameras on the computers so we could watch each other all night.) Linda became a mainstay at the farm, she considered herself a big country girl.

Eventually Rev. Bill bought a farm tractor, a trencher, trucks and a big giant loader. Linda was good at driving a truck and the tractors and doing all the chores with the animals. She started spending five days a week at the farm, and Kaitley was often with her. If Kaitley wasn’t with her she was with Robin, or Rev. Ang and Bill. I began to see both of them even less. I didn’t mind so much about Linda. All her devotion was toward Rev. Bill in a love/hate way, but I was internally horrified that my daughter was beginning to shun me. I was a bad guy, a second rate citizen to her as I was to all the SRF members. All her loyalty was going toward Rev. Bill and Ang and Robin.

Rev. Bill constantly talked about how all the kids loved him because he was ‘one’ of them; he constantly told us how much the kids loved the farm and wanted to be there. He would ask me or Linda to take Kaitley and I usually consented because I knew Kaitley wanted to go. He always talked about how badly he needed a companion for Selena . Kaitley would often spend the night in the mobile home with Bill and Robin or Ang, as did Moira.

Linda and Rev. Bill and the kids started buying lots of baby goats at the auctions. Soon we had 60 to 70 baby goats at a time. Shelters were built for these, and a schedule was set up to feed them three times a day, one of those being in the middle of the night, another very early in the morning. We would get up in the middle of the night and mix the goat milk formula. If there were baby cows we’d have to do that too.

Some of the goats franticly fed at the bottle, others could hardly be coaxed into it. You could tell these were going to die, often they had a bad smell and diarrhea in their bin. We wanted them to live but every night (and day) we encountered the awful smell of goats dead in their bin. Everyone did psychic mock-ups for them to live, and Linda consulted with the vets, but they kept dying.

Rev. Bill kept buying more, and they kept dying. He blamed Linda and others for their dying. He ‘joked’ about Linda being a ‘goat killer’. Feeding the baby goats got to be a nightmare. I felt like the smell of dead goats and diarrhea was always on me. It was hard enough getting up at night, but it was awful to struggle to hold and feed these cute goats you knew were going to die. We dug many big holes and buried the dead goats.

This went on for a whole year. Kathleen, a staunch farm supporter, said that 90% of the baby goats never made it to maturity.

Rev. Bill began to severely berate Linda all the time at the farm. They were always at the farm together and going to auctions. Several times Linda would come home shaking with distress at having been severely chastised. It usually started with some ‘mistake’ she made at the auction, or the farm, which Rev. Bill claimed was a willful act of rebelliousness.

Linda would try and defend herself and he would claim Linda had a bad attitude, and that her energy was trying to sabotage ‘his place’, and he would yell at her for hours. Rev. Ang would get upset because it was distressing Rev. Bill’s nervous system to have to ‘work’ on Linda all the time.

Ang and Bill would threatened to kick Linda out of the academy if she didn’t straighten up. Sometimes Linda would warn me saying with devastation in her voice, “You might hear stuff at the academy about me getting kicked out, try not to make it worse by reacting to it.”

There were times too when Rev. Bill would tell me about the fight. When he did he always acted like him and I were buddies and had lots of stress to deal with from our women. He’d say, “We were about to kick Linda out today. This women is insane. I don’t know how you deal with her. Ang wants to kick her out. I told her I was going to, but I can’t kick her out...She’s been here too long...I am just going to tell you this now. What I am going to do Steve, is tell her she can’t come to the farm anymore. I am just letting you know first.” This utterly devastated Linda but his plan to keep her from the farm lasted less than a week, and he let her back.

I secretly wished she would get kicked out so we could be more separate from SRF, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Linda didn’t cry often, but one time she came home so distressed, she was crying and telling me about the fight and how unjust it was and asked me what she should do. I told her, “Linda this is never going to end, you can do nothing right, he is projecting all his faults onto you and us. You are a pawn in his psyche. You need to let him know you can’t be treated that way. It’s not right. What we should do is leave Liberty and go into business ourselves.” She wouldn’t agree to this, no matter how bad it got. Even though she was in desperate survival for money all the time, she wouldn’t agree to support me no matter how much I reasoned with her.

Linda told me at the farm near the end Rev. Bill started saying, “Fuck You,” to her on sight. But Ang made him stop this.

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I remember another story involving Bill and Linda.  One day, Bill intercepted me in the infamous "fireplace room" of the SRF headquarters.  Bill began groaning about the mass death of some goats he purchased from an auction.  He began to complain that "Goddamn Linda went to a pumpkin patch right after Halloween.  She scooped up all the unsold pumpkins with my pickup truck and dumped them in the middle of the fucking farm.  All the goddamn goats ate them and died!  That fucking dumbass Linda!"

Not knowing the true story I replied, "What the hell?  Anyone knows you can't feed just anything to a goat!  They eat any damn thing at all and don't know when to stop!  Even a guy like me knows that."

Soon after that exchange, I heard Bill telling everyone how "...even a dumb city girl like fucking Linda should know goats eat any damn thing and don't know when to stop."   So in Bill's warped mind, it was indeed Linda's fault the goats were overfed a poor diet and died as a result.

Some years after this event, I related this whole story to another ex-member.  This person listened carefully, then said, "I was there at the time. That's not what happened.  Sure, Bill blamed Linda for the whole thing but he's lying."

Intrigued, I asked for more (in kind of an Oliver Twist sort of way).  This person said, "Bill told me to take a pickup truck and head over to a pumpkin patch.  I was instructed to speak with the guy running the patch, who would let me take all the leftover pumpkins.  After I came back with them, Bill himself told me to dump all of the pumpkins in the middle of the farm for the goats to eat.  Linda was not involved at all."

I wonder if this is a case of really bad memory that comes with middle-age or maybe it's something else.  Maybe it's something like, oh I don't know, being a goddamn sociopath, psychopath or idiot-path?

This example is only one of many.

Who's got another one?  Leave us a comment.

PsychDoctorate said...

The term psychopath litterally translates into "suffering soul". Robert Hare, a man who studied sociopaths and psychopaths for many years in the prison system would say that this is an accurate description of these individuals. They are truly suffering souls, with a baren inner world filled with nothing but desolation, lonliness, isolation, rage and anguish. They take their deep suffering out on others because they lack empathy. Without empathy, they cannot love, they can only feel negative emotions such as hatred. They lack the moral and ethical components that make us human.

Their personalities are a facade. Something they hold onto, especially since all psychopaths are Narcissistic. However, this facade cannot be maintained and over time the "mask" falls off. Their glibness and false charm falls away and we (the victims) see the "suffering soul" for what they are. An emotionally bleak and baren landscape. It is a hard thing to view, for it is a void where there should be something. It has been said somewhere that if you look long enough into the void something will eventually look back! To those now leaving SRF and those who have left, they saw that void and they ran for their lives. Steve saw it, Mason saw it, Joy saw it and Mike all saw it. So have many others.

The women, Angela, Robin and Debbie saw it and embraced it letting the void despoil them. It eroded their sense of self, claimed their morals and corrupted their ethics. It made them mockeries of what they could be. It is sad.

It is good that Bill is dead, it is good that his "suffering soul" is now at rest. The desolation and corruption of his "subjects" and his reign of terror is over. Although the women cary his "essence" they cannot and do not have his charisma or glibness and too many have seen through their thin veneers.

Rest in peace Bill Duby, your reign of terror is gone. Your suffering soul will claim no more lives and harm no one else. From what I have heard, you are a pitiful thing.

Mike told me that near the end Bill called him, something deep inside of him knew his life was coming to a close. If I am correct (if not, Mike will fill in the proper details) you were showing some regret for you behaviors. You were feeling guilt and shame. Emotions you can feel as they do not require empathy to be understood. You knew and you were being forced to acknowledge your immoral and unethical (and illegal) behavior. The terror of seeing ones self so clearly is a humbling experiencing, espeically for the you the suffering soul.

I have nothing but pity for Bill, that is all he deserves.

Right now I am facing a huge loss in my life, my own sister is dying. We have never gotten along but she is trully suffering from a horrendous thing. She is dying of cancer that has spread. I wish her peace, I wish her strength and I wish her courage as she now leaves this world.

For all of the surviviors of Bill Duby's reign, I wish you courage, I wish you strength and I wish you peace. I also wish you a speedy recovery as you reclaim your own souls and rid yourself of the pain and suffering he inflicted upon you. I offer you compassion and deep empathy. I offer anyone coming from SRF who needs it, a safe place to speak about your trevails. Please contact Mike and he can put us into contact.

Best Regards;

Jeffrey

August 12, 2010 10:15 PM 

Mike Kawahara said...

Yes Jeff, Bill Duby called me on the phone some weeks before his timely death with an unexpected message.

Bill usually called people to tear them new orifices. One such call I witnessed started with "**** You Fucking Cunt!" and ended an hour later with "Fuck You!". At the time, I happened to be in the back seat of the car he was driving so I had no way to escape. Besides, the son of a bitch used my phone so I had to sit and listen.

Anyway, Bill gave me a call out of the blue. I steeled myself for an ass-chewing.

Instead, Bill spoke in a calm and somewhat peaceful tone - a voice I had not heard coming from him ever. Bill thanked me for some things and then said Joy and I were truly blessed and that our union would be fruitful and blessed as well.

Now, that call came some time after he made countless attempts to rip Joy and I apart and after he conducted several brutal and perverted "trance sessions" on Joy to not only remove any memory of me but to support the insane effort Bill made to pair me up with HIS choice of mate - a woman who was heavily indoctrinated into the cult.

At the time before Bill called, I noticed a definite change in his demeanor. Bill was less prone to tantrums and uncontrollable outbursts. He became more intorspective and more interested in the hereafter than ever. Bill even had us attend a class series on "Immortality" for the bargain price of some $600 (a guy like him changes only so much, you know).

I think Bill was looking back at the fruits of his perversion and insanity. He knew he had all the material comforts and status he had been seeking. But when the famous dissedent members of the cult began speaking out to the press, he was forced to look at the destruction left in his wake and knew it was time for him to go.

Yes Bill was a suffering soul. He made us suffer along with him. It was all he knew how to do. And Jeff you are right, the realization that his creation was perverse, corrupt and morally bankrupt is what really killed him.

Now that he is dead, we must carry on creating our own legacies. I think we can make them something everyone will feel proud of.

August 13, 2010 12:01 AM