Guest Post: Total Despair Is On The Air

Robin, it's a fucking radio show -
say something!

In honor of the upcoming first anniversary of "Total Prosperity" finally going off the air, I am re-posting this excellent parody of that perverted radio show.


Today's Guest Post is from "Anonymous" and it's a good one.


The Spiritual Rights Foundation has HAD broadcast their radio talk show "Total Prosperity" on KEST radio for some 20 years every Tuesday morning at 10AM. Until his death, Bill Duby was the permanent "guest" every week he felt like being there.

Thankfully, this waste of the public airwaves is off the air but when it was on, the show consisted of some small talk among the "hosts" peppered with the incoherent spiritual drool of the permanent guest.  Bill's ramblings on his world view and delusions kept the show interesting as well as the odd back-and-forth between him and the "host", his Bishop. 

It's odd because many of us noticed they engaged in the kind of exchange that you'd find between a married couple.

Even odder, Bill's wife and life partner (yeah, TWO women, not one) were usually present on the show while it happened.  Neither said a thing about it for years.

"Total Prosperity" is WAS a call-in radio show, inviting people to call for a free psychic reading that sounded exactly like the reading they gave a different caller the previous week (and each reading generally took less than a minute of air time before the "hosts" slammed the phone down on the bewildered caller).

The topics of each show varied from "family programming" to "can you unhook?" to whatever came to mind as they rambled and fumbled through the show.

In all the time I was present for the broadcast and in all the shows I listened to I never heard any caller ask a question that was on-topic. The announcement that people could get free psychic readings on the air drew callers who asked questions about their personal relationships, their work life, their home life or why their car leaked oil.  There's not a damn person I remember who had a question that was on-topic and there was a good reason for that.

The topics were so thick and so incomprehensible, I don't ever recall really understanding what in hell the "hosts" and their "guest" were talking about.

Judging from the callers questions, I bet none of them did either.

It's an expensive broadcast costing a ton to broadcast. You didn't think KEST was paying the Spiritual Rights Foundation to air that mess, did you?  SRF was able to find a sponsor for a short time but as there was no way to know how many people were really listening, there's no way a sponsor wanted to buy a commercial on their show.  That wasn't the only problem: apart from the air time, a special phone line must be maintained to connect the radio room at SRF HQ to the station.

So if "Total Prosperity" is so expensive to SRF, why keep it going?

The radio show is was seen as the gateway drug to the Spiritual Rights Foundation and the Academy for Psychic Studies.

High priced classes and workshops conducted by the Academy for Psychic Studies designed to introduce people to the anaesthesia of SRF mind control are always featured. In fact, I recall a hand-written sign in the radio room instructing all radio participants to promote classes, workshops, retreats and special events while on-air. Especially the ones that cost a lot of money to attend.

This post from "Anonymous" digs down below the surface of the "Total Prosperity" radio show and gives us a picture of what the show might be like if the hosts were indeed as candid and honest as they present themselves.

I say to anyone who is listening to "Total Prosperity" or who may be interested in listening to just call in every Tuesday and ask for a reading about your love life, your work life, your trip to the supermarket or what the hell is that stuff on my shoe and why does it stink?  They love calls. Even those that just take up time on air.

The more you call, the more excited they get that people are listening. The more they think people are listening, the longer they will pay for air time.

The more they pay, the less cash they will have to sustain their reign of exploitation.

So call in, have a Totally Prosperous Day and ON WITH THE SHOW...

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Total Despair:
A Satire of What SRF has to sell, I mean offer its lone few listeners...


Debbie: Welcome to Total Desparity I'm your host Debbie aka "Debbie the spy", "The liar".

My guest today is Angela Silva aka "LeoFire, The Molesters wife"...How are you today?

Angela:  Excellent!

Debbie: and Robin Dumolin aka "Scroogette"...How are you today?

Robin: [shrugs]

Debbie: If you'd like us to con you into coming to our crypt, give us a call at 510 549-1991 and we'll give you a reading on the air....

"Angela, What does it mean to be psychic?" ...

Angela: It means be naive, gullible , pliable, vulnerable, in other words, the perfect dupe for us to use and abuse.

Debbie: "So if we can get them in the door, with a come on that we have a free and open to the public healing clinic, we can then size you up (read) and find what classes might be helpful for you and your "spiritual unfoldment". Then we can work on your subconscious and break down the barriers, hack open your psyche and gain access to the pin number to your bank account"

Angela: Exactly!

Debbie: "In the words of Rev. Bill...Marvelous"!

Debbie: "We have beginning classes in meditation and healing coming up, where we can get you started on the road to bleeding dry your life, bank account and ultimately your self worth, while pretending to help you in your life."

Angela: We can also put you to sleep with our Monday night hypnosis clinic, so we can hypnotize you, then laugh when we talk about you with others after we tell you your session is confidential.  Did we lie about the confidential part?  No!  You are made in the image and likeness of God, so it's OK if I tell everyone about you and laugh about it because if you don't like it, fuck you.

Later after you've graduated into the year class and later in the ministers class, we can brow beat you and pressure you into taking the once a month trance retreat weekends for a mere $200.  It used to be $300 but we understand its a rough economy out there right now. But once the economy rebounds, we will raise it back to $300 again, just like the banks raising their interest rates and the oil company raise the price of a gallon of gas when they see fit.  In fact, I see a rebound coming now, so sign up for a $300 retreat before we raise it even more!

After being in the "year" class for "8 years" instead of the nine months your agreement says, (that way we can bleed you even more and have years to add fines and penalties called an "Opportunity For Learning" to punish you for anything we want - like the Happy Meal we got our Golden Child didn't have the toy she wanted) you will become a minister!!! Even before you even study the bible!!   You don't need to study the Bible because we don't either!

We will then keep you in minister's classes the rest of your life, so we can practice our hypnosis on you and slip in a post hypnotic suggestion or two of you being unfulfilled and needing to take more and more sessions and classes, workshops, and retreats at the Spiritual Rights Foundation, until you get screwed so much you start thinking about suicide like all the old ministers did.

Debbie: Yes we can help you in all aspects of your life "trust me" - all the people I screwed trusted me too!

Angela: Marvelous!

Debbie: Unfortunately, you can't have the teaching that we had with our founder Bill Duby, because he would keep you up for classes that went into late night hours or sometimes lasted for days and pound on your psyche saying what a terrible person you are. After he tore you full of new orifices, he exploited you by saying how you need to keep feeding SRF everything you have of value so you can have this teaching..

Like your time...Your energy...And most importantly, your money, inheritance, stocks, bonds, precious metals, relationships with your children.

Especially your children.  He loved children in a very special way - just ask Angela's daughter!

He wanted it all, so he'd have your fellow classmates, outside strangers read you and tell you how much of an asshole you are in your life, and how with his direction, the people will help you feel better for a price.....YOUR SOUL!

But now our classes are comprised of whoever answers our Craigslist ad, internet prayer requests, a local ad in an East bay newspaper, or this radio show to gain new victims..ur...I mean new students so now, we can say you're an asshole and you need to pay us to make you feel better (until we call you an asshole next week). 

Angela: You might just be the next dumb turd we have in our beginning classes or lab rat in our hypnosis clinic. Or why not, just sign up for the year class if you make at least $50,000 a year or more. We want your money..ur, I mean we want you and your money here at SRF.

Debbie: Ok, looks like we have a phone call. Hello your on the air. Whats your question?

Caller: My relationship is at a standstill can you see whats going on?

Debbie: Hold on a moment...........I see you need a few woman to tell you what you want to hear.  I think Robin may be seeing something too...

Robin: [shrugs]

Angela: Yes, I see the same thing...It looks like you definitely have it together, and all you need is someone like myself to direct you in your life and help you separate from this relationship,.....Unless your partner wants to join you in taking classes, if he makes good money... Then I see it would be very beneficial for both of us...ur...I mean both of you.  DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Caller: Yes

Angela: How many?

Caller: Uhhh... 2

Angela and Debbie together: GOOD!

Robin: [rubs hands together]

Angela: Stay on the line so we can get all your pertinent information like their names, where they go to school, the color of their eyes and clothing size so we can plan how to steal them from you, Ok?

Caller: uhhhh... kaaaayyy...  Oh darn, I have to go uhhhh plunge the fucking toilet again so you guys just have a, ummm a good, err - BYE!

Debbie: Oh!  I guess that's all the time we have for today. Just a reminder, we have a full ministry of cd's and mp3 downloads or podcasts of all our radio shows, topics of everyday problems and their solutions, at prices that are way higher than this crap is worth!  Just call Health and Wealth. Our one of many shill businesses:  1 800 642-WELL.

Or what we like to refer to it as 1 800 642-SUCK!

HAVE A TOTALLY PROSPEROUS DAY!